Whatever the scenario: This is the guide for you. Maybe the last attempt didn’t go as smoothly as you wanted. Maybe it’s the first time, maybe it’s the thousandth. And whether you embrace the lifestyle or not, know that you are worthy of receiving pleasure as much as you give.So.you’re going to have a threesome. Whether you choose to dive headfirst into the starfish lifestyle or ease into it with some power bottom moves, communicate with your partner and lean into being the recipient sometimes - even if it feels uncomfortable at first. Routine kegel exercises can up the blood and oxygen flow which makes sensations a whole lot more powerful.
Now, a common misconception about the bottom position is that it is always a passive position. Establish boundaries, a safe word and figure out what does it for both of you and then give in to your partner’s desires. There are few moves more powerful than relinquishing control to a partner you know and trust. Starfishing is also a perfect opportunity to experiment with being dominated, if that’s your thing. It is a supportive position that allows the starfish to experiment with talking dirty and offering words or whispers of encouragement. Starfishing celebrates relaxation, indulgence and gratification - it’s all about pleasure, baby! And offers the bottom partner the chance to feel sexy, desired and worthy of affection. Starfishing is an opportunity to get comfortable with receiving pleasure (and to let your top partner get comfortable giving it) - something that women especially often feel selfish or guilty doing. The starfish has long been perceived as the copout position, the less sexy companion to cowgirl(s) or other “penetratee on top” positions - and while there are a myriad of maneuvers that give the bottom partner more power and control than initially assumed (which I will elaborate on later), the starfish position deserves a bit more love. What I call being “a sexual starfish,” this is a catch-all to refer to being the bottom partner during (mostly) missionary-style sex.